Last I spoke to you guys I had fxcked up. Ya'll will be disappointed to know that I fxcked up once again. Me and Rae B. are on a break, or broken up, or I don't fxckn know. We're not together. All my doing yet again. But that's not what today's post is about.
The need to feel needed.
For me, its a necessity. It drives me as a person. In a relationship, it mandatory. As soon as I feel unnecessary, my relationships fall to shxt.
Every women aspires for a purpose, whether it be to provide for a child, tend to the home, or bring home the bacon, we all want purpose. Similarly, as soon as all these aspects fall to the wind, mid life crisis kicks in and a need to find self takes over. Identity is solely based on how we contribute to society.
Going back to me and Rae B. breakup, I'll admit this was a contributing factor. I recently lost my job, lost focus in school, fell off with my family, and not much of a house wife. My identity as independent drove me and when I lost that, I felt I lost everything. The car accident took my job, which took my income, and for a while left me without a means of transportation. I was stuck and fxcked. Rae didn't need me to pay this bill or pick up the food, she had it. I'm not one for housewife shxt so I wasn't going to pick that up. I fell to shxt. I had no identity of self. My self esteem had already taken a hit earlier in the year but now my ego was shot too.
I was once this strong, independent, natural Nubian queen. Now I felt more like a weak European peasant.
The need to feel needed drives my mood, my purpose, my life. Today I feel unnecessary in this addition to life :-(
The need to feel needed.
For me, its a necessity. It drives me as a person. In a relationship, it mandatory. As soon as I feel unnecessary, my relationships fall to shxt.
Every women aspires for a purpose, whether it be to provide for a child, tend to the home, or bring home the bacon, we all want purpose. Similarly, as soon as all these aspects fall to the wind, mid life crisis kicks in and a need to find self takes over. Identity is solely based on how we contribute to society.
Going back to me and Rae B. breakup, I'll admit this was a contributing factor. I recently lost my job, lost focus in school, fell off with my family, and not much of a house wife. My identity as independent drove me and when I lost that, I felt I lost everything. The car accident took my job, which took my income, and for a while left me without a means of transportation. I was stuck and fxcked. Rae didn't need me to pay this bill or pick up the food, she had it. I'm not one for housewife shxt so I wasn't going to pick that up. I fell to shxt. I had no identity of self. My self esteem had already taken a hit earlier in the year but now my ego was shot too.
I was once this strong, independent, natural Nubian queen. Now I felt more like a weak European peasant.
The need to feel needed drives my mood, my purpose, my life. Today I feel unnecessary in this addition to life :-(
