I deserve...

I deserve someone who is

Loyal

Compassionate

Attentive

Supportive

On a similar path in life as me

Who pushes me to be better

That reciprocates the love and things I do for them

Someone who RESPECTS ME

Someone who is good in bed

Loves PDA

Understands that I get extremely jealous

Works to build my trust

And ultimately someone who, if even if they don't have all these features, is willing to work to develop them

I deserve these things because I am loyal to my partner, I do anything and everything in my power to show them that I can be trusted, that I am your number 1 line of support, and that what we have can and will be eternal. I know I have issues that make me imperfect but they can be overshadowed by the love and care I show my partner. My loyalty and devotion has been my downfall plenty of times but I know, after every heartbreak, there is someone out there that deserves all I have to give and more. And I will not stop being that way because one dickhead took it for granted or exploited it. Most importantly I deserve these things because, just like I ask of my spouse, whatever is on your list that I don't already contain, I can develop just for you.

Flaws and All

                           

As time passes I notice, what I believe I am is only me remembering what I use to be. Relationship wise.

I am imperfection in its finest form.

This post is mostly for me. Grounding myself. Understanding me and why I am the way I am. Once that's all settled, then figuring out what I need to do and what my partner needs to do.

These post will be broken into a series that'll continue until I feel content. All I ask is that you, the reader, respect that I am sharing my world with you and that these are tender topics.

So part 1  

I have extreme trust and jealousy issues. I mean extreme. Why?

I've loved 2 people in my life whole heartedly. Both those people cheated on me, made me feel inferior to the women around them, lied to me, and were never completely there for me.

From that I've gained the broken trust baggage and jealousy scars.

Now, if I can't see you and what you're doing, you don't call or send me pictures, you still talk to people you have a "history" with, you're all secretive with your phone, and you express a physical attraction to someone else, I immediately don't trust you on top of being extremely jealous.

It's so deep that it becomes a physical feeling. An actual physical discomfort.

That's only part one. Unfortunately,  I have enough baggage to fill a moving van. I'm just hoping I find someone strong enough to help me unload this truck.