Flaws and All

                           

As time passes I notice, what I believe I am is only me remembering what I use to be. Relationship wise.

I am imperfection in its finest form.

This post is mostly for me. Grounding myself. Understanding me and why I am the way I am. Once that's all settled, then figuring out what I need to do and what my partner needs to do.

These post will be broken into a series that'll continue until I feel content. All I ask is that you, the reader, respect that I am sharing my world with you and that these are tender topics.

So part 1  

I have extreme trust and jealousy issues. I mean extreme. Why?

I've loved 2 people in my life whole heartedly. Both those people cheated on me, made me feel inferior to the women around them, lied to me, and were never completely there for me.

From that I've gained the broken trust baggage and jealousy scars.

Now, if I can't see you and what you're doing, you don't call or send me pictures, you still talk to people you have a "history" with, you're all secretive with your phone, and you express a physical attraction to someone else, I immediately don't trust you on top of being extremely jealous.

It's so deep that it becomes a physical feeling. An actual physical discomfort.

That's only part one. Unfortunately,  I have enough baggage to fill a moving van. I'm just hoping I find someone strong enough to help me unload this truck.