Jelly Bean Test

Some relationships really need to be put to the jelly bean test. So what's the jelly bean test?

It's a scale of logic and not emotion. Many people stay in the relationships for pure love. Not because it makes them happy, that they've gained so much since meeting this person, or that life is of a better quality with them around. Its simple love, comfort, or fear. The love you have for that person keeps you there. The comfort of having the same routine or being with the same predictable person keeps you. Or the fear of the hurt that will come of having to say goodbye to someone you love or once loved. How do you do the jelly bean test?

Take two bowls, one for pros and one for cons, and a bag of jelly beans. Use the last month of your relationship for scale, if you've been together for over a year, use the last six month, 2 years use the last year and so on. With that put 1 jelly bean from every good thing that has happened in your relationship in the pros bowl and the opposite in the cons bowl. If the pros outweigh the cons, then you are just having a rough patch. But if the cons outweigh the pros you move to the next step.

Evaluation

Think, from the outside looking in, would you ever put up with what you already are? Have times gone from good, to bad, to worse? Is it worth it?

Complications with this method:
It can be extremely hard to see the good in anything when you've been in a gray cloud so long and vice versa. Also, never do this method in the heat of the moment. Trust that your judgement is squed. Clear your head, take a break, then proceed.

The jelly bean method is not meant to determine an end to your relationship. It's more of a strike method. Three strikes, you're out! So the first time you use it, you point out all the flaws that need to be addressed. Second time, you see what flaws have gone and which were added. Last time is suffer or call it quits.

In all, relationships should have only a few hills and speed bumps. Not mountains and volcanoes. Remember that.

Peace and love

Taking a Step Back

At what point in a relationship do you take a step back and really evaluate yourself BEFORE and AFTER this relationship. Are you better? Are you the happiest you've ever been? Have you gained more in this relationship or lost it all?

I sit here in my car, blasting music, contemplating these questions. The bare bones of my relationship is wonderful, but a girl is bored. ROUTINE IS NOT FOR ME. I need excitement, I need to get out, I need to receive everything I give to you in return. Simple, not quite. Numerous fights later, I sit here. On a "break" in my relationship with all my shit in the trunk. We took a break before, and it did wonders for us. I'm hoping this time would be the same. 

When you begin to be completely drained, that's the time to take a step back. People can get so caught up in keeping everybody else comfortable that they forget about themselves. That was me. But it all boils down to, what about me. Who's keeping me comfortable? When's the last time I smiled with no effort of my own? Who's taking care of me? What do you do for me? 

A change needs to be made and it needs to be made now! Only time will tell. Until then i'll be drowning my sorrows in retail stores, long drives, and blog post. Peace and love.